RAs are expected to follow a certain code of confidentiality. It is unethical for us to talk about what happens to residents on our floors, because then no one would feel comfortable telling us anything anymore. But at the same time, we’re only students ourselves, and sometimes keeping all of these secrets can be stressful. This is why it is considered perfectly acceptable for us to share stories with other RAs; the idea is that we can all have people to talk to, while no one is breaching trust outside of the circle of RAs. As you can imagine, a lot of talk goes on at the watering hole.
When I first decided to write this blog about sexual behavior, I was disappointed that I would not be able to share any of these stories because everyone would know who I was talking about. However, because so much information is shared between RAs, any of the stories that I disclose in this blog can pertain to any dorm building anywhere, not just at this school. Obviously the names will be changed, but this way I can disclose personal experiences that I myself have come across, as well as circumstances other RAs have experienced as well. I’ve been speaking mostly in generalizations so far, and I think it’s about time that I share the things that have really happened, maybe they were here, or maybe someplace else.
(*Disclaimer: If, for whatever reason, you recognize these stories, please continue to keep the identities of these persons secret, at the very least while you are commenting within this blog.*)
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Samantha is a freshman who lives in a triple; one of her roommates she likes, while the other, Heather, gets on her nerves quite frequently. One day, Samantha and her friend Abby are studying in the room together. All of a sudden, Heather storms in from the bathroom, brandishing her vibrator around, and asks, “Do you guys mind if I use this right now?”
Heather ignores the open books lying in front of the girls and presses the question. Samantha is so shocked she is unable to respond, while Abby declares, “yes! I do mind!” Heather looks at Abby with disgust and states, “you don’t even live here!” Then she turns to a speechless Samantha and continues, “Don’t even worry, I’ll be real quiet.” While she says this, Heather turns off the lights, turns on some music, locks the door, and climbs into her bed. Now both girls are speechless.
After almost twenty minutes, Samantha finally works up some courage and shouts, “You’re done!” while turning off the music and switching on the lights. Afterward, Heather complains that she should have gotten some more time.
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Stories like this one are not uncommon. I don't think that these acts are gaining popularity, but people are beginning to think that they're acceptable just because of how often they are happening.
Who do you think is at fault for this incident occurring? What would you do if you were in the same position as Abby or Samantha?
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3 comments:
Heather is completely at fault for this situation. She never should have asked that question if she saw there were people in the room. If anything she should have just found herself a place where she could be alone. If I were in the position of Abby or Samantha I would tell Heather that we were in their studying and if she could please do that some place else if she wanted to continue what she was doing. If she refused not to I would immediately call the RA on call and have them be the mediator of the conversation because there is no point in fighting with Heather because if she didn’t fulfill your wishes the first time, what makes you think she will the next.
Janine I love your blog. Being a fellow RA, I come across this stuff all the time, as I'm sure you know. It shocks me reading some of your experiences…I can’t believe people actually act this way! In our culture, our view of sex is like bell curve-taboo before teenage years, acceptable during teenage years, and again taboo after that. Although a crazier sex life is something that is seen during the college years, having sex in a bathroom stall at 10:30 in the morning?! Extremely shocking!
I can’t count on both hands the number of Friday and Saturday night four-legged drunk showers. They never cease to amaze me. I can’t imagine doing that knowing anyone who came into the bathroom could hear!
I think your blog is great! It’s really valuable that you have this “real life experience” and are really able to indulge in true life participant observation. I also think it’s great that you show this not only on a Wheaton College level, but on a “society as a whole” level as well.
It’ very interesting how you are able to bring in a first hand personal perspective to this topic! I can't wait to read more!!
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