"Unlike the rest of us, sex, lies, and scandal never take a vacation..."

For the last part of this blog, I just wanted to take a short look at American youth culture.




In case you did not notice in this Gossip Girl trailer (which by the way, came straight from CW themselves), in the first season of the show, these characters are supposed to be juniors in high school. And although most juniors would be 16-17 years old, the characters in the show are always running about town, going to clubs, bars, drinking uncontrollably, doing drugs, and having lots of sex with each other.

This show is watched by almost 4 million people (1). That is a crazy number. Especially telling is that the targeted demographic of the show is teenaged girls. When people see things on TV, especially at a young age, they want to emulate the behavior they observe, thinking it might make them “cool,” or help them to fit in, like the characters in the show. However, most teens have parents that watch over them slightly better than the parents of Gossip Girl; they are not able to fully engage in all of the activities in the same way that the characters of the show do.

When these kids arrive at college, they are pretty much given a free pass to do whatever they like, and for some, that means promiscuous sex. As someone mentioned earlier in a comment, for many, college is the first time that students are not watched over 24/7, and sometimes they get carried away with their newfound freedom. So American youth culture may also have something to do with what is deemed acceptable and what isn’t, and what kinds of activities teens desire to engage themselves in.

Although this blog has been just a brief overview of this topic, I hope it has shed some light on the phenomenon of people having sex in public. I tried to be broad with my research, and after looking a little at female and male sexuality, desire, sexual scripts, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sexual identity, as well as American youth culture, I have realized that this issue goes so much deeper than the aspects I have discussed. There are books and books that deal with each one of these topics, and although the information available is vast, I hope I have been able to summarize it accurately, and with the information I have provided, help others to understand why these practices take place.

(1) "Gossip Girl' hits record high, 'Terminator' declines." Entertainment Weekly 16 Sept. 2008. Hollywood Insider. 16 Sept. 2008. Entertainment Weekly. 4 Dec. 2008 .

"How about some more fun-fries, guys?"

Because the Blank article was written before the women's movement took a strong hold in American culture, I automatically assumed that it would contain huge generalizations and politically incorrect statements. However, I realized that although his concepts might seem outdated, they still hold strong in today’s culture. He spends a great deal of time discussing how males are traditionally more curious than females, which leads them to be more voyeuristic. Females on the other hand aren't as curious and overall tend to be more passive. This culminates in by far my favorite generalization,

"...in many societies where nakedness is the rule, females cover their genitals; there is no known society where males cover their genitals and females do not; and exposure of the female genitals seems to be an almost universal form of sexual invitation throughout the mammalian scale...If the male looks, then the female must exhibit.(1)

He goes on to explain how females were practically made to be looked at, while males were to do all the looking. This idea, although it may seem out of date, actually has many examples in modern culture to support it.



Although many disregard South Park to be a dirty show full of toilet humor, it also provides rich social commentary. In this scene, which is obviously a parody of a Hooter’s restaurant, the girls are the ones displaying themselves while the boys look on. In our culture women are objects on display everywhere: in advertisements, in fashion shows, on stage, in pornography – women are on display so much more often than men (although I think that over time this is beginning to change…especially after looking at the female sexuality in the Sex Toy Party article). Perfect example: how many topless bars exist? I would say a fair amount…but I can’t even think of an equivalent example where men are put on display. Even videos such as “Guys Gone Wild” are mostly marketed toward gay men, and not women. It is almost always the men doing the looking, and almost always the women on display.

In my opinion, because women try so hard to dispel these stereotypes (of women being prostitutes or porn stars), they get upset when they learn that a woman had sex in public because it is seen as a step backward. When TheGirlfriend had sex in a room with two other boys, many women that I talked to seemed outraged that she would do such a thing, although had no reaction to what the man had done.

Women are expected to have control over (sexual) relationships. Even in the Raisin’s clip, it was Lexus (notice all the girls have car names), that touched Butter’s arm, and he is the one who loses control. Women are looked down upon if they can’t keep control over their romantic situations because males are stereotypically sex-charged gawkers (like the crowd at Raisin’s) that cannot be held accountable for their actions.


(1)Blank, Leonard. "Nakedness and Nudity: A Darwinian Explanation for Looking and Showing Behavior." Leonardo 6 (1973): 23-27. JSTOR.

V is for Voyeur

An article I recently read, although over thirty years old, did provide some insight into exhibitionism and voyeurism and how these topics relate to sexuality.

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary:

Exhibitionism: "a perversion in which sexual gratification is obtained from the indecent exposure of one's genitals (as to a stranger)" or "an act of such exposure" (1).

Voyeurism: "one obtaining sexual gratification from observing unsuspecting individuals who are partly undressed, naked, or engaged in sexual acts" or "a prying observer who is usually seeking the sordid or the scandalous" (2).

Leonard Blank discusses nudists and the differences between "naked" and "nude" (naked being a term that implies vulnerability and shame, where nude can refer to more sophisticated states of being unclothed, such as in art). But when discussing the nudist, Leonard states, "...it is the outsider rather than the nudist whose sexual control seems threatened" (3). This can apply directly to sex in a dorm room in front of a roommate. It is hardly ever the couple engaging in the act that feels ashamed; they are the nudists who feel comfortable with not only their lack of clothes, but the display of their sexual acts. It is the roommate who feels violated, who is made uncomfortable by witnessing the nudists. It could also be said that the couple could be exhibitionists, although subjecting a "stranger" or even a roommate to such a display (without their consent)is an entirely different ethical question in itself.

Oddly enough, the article went on to discuss the fine line between what is acceptable in cinema and art, and what is not. Blank automatically diverts to the discussion of pubic hair, and how it suddenly transforms art into pornography. I immediately remembered something I had seen on Vh1 years ago...and after a ton of circling research, I came to find that it was the Black Crows album Amorica that had been featured. The album cover was nothing more then the bottom half of a woman wearing a bikini, but there was pubic hair sticking out from under it. (The image and a little information can be found here but I'm not posting it for the same reason that it stirred up controversy). None of this connects directly to the topic of my blog, except to say that it doesn't take much for something to become controversial (because once the band took out the pubic hair, the album was suddenly acceptable); mostly I just thought it was interesting.

To continue, Blank backed up some of the other articles already looked at in this blog by explaining that excitement can be associated with the forbidden, and the forbidden is what sometimes provokes compulsive looking, or voyeurism. The voyeur is able to stay passive in the situation while experiencing the forbidden which is closely linked with desire. This is quite the opposite of the exhibitionist situation, but it still explains why curiosity can be piqued by these kinds of situations.

Blank's article also covers some of the gendered stereotypes surrounding sex, which I will look at in the next entry.


(1)exhibitionism. (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
Retrieved November 29, 2008, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/exhibitionism

(2)voyeur. (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
Retrieved November 29, 2008, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/voyeur

(3)Blank, Leonard. "Nakedness and Nudity: A Darwinian Explanation for Looking and Showing Behavior." Leonardo 6 (1973): 23-27. JSTOR.

Fantasy, Desire, and Sexual Scripts

Desire and Sexual Scripts play large roles when talking about any sexual behavior.
Sexual Scripts were first introduced by Gagnon and Simon in 1973, but Michael Wiederman explains,

"Social scripting theory points to the fact that much of sexual behavior seems to follow a script. Similar to scripts that stage actors use to guide their behavior, social scripts instruct members of a society as to appropriate behavior and the meanings to attach to certain behaviors." (1)

It could be argued that, in everyday life, having sex in public or in front of others is not a part of the normal sexual script. However, in my personal opinion, I believe that on college campuses, public sexual relations have found a home in sexual scripts. To take the analogy of the stage further, if actors on one stage deem it acceptable to stab someone during their performance, and there are no objections raised by the audience, what is to stop other other actors from doing the same after realizing they will not be met with much resistance? The same can be said for these scripts applied to sex. If an action is deemed "okay" once, others will soon catch on, and the act will be repeated.

Another contributor, as mentioned earlier, is desire.
As Curtis pointed out in her article that was cited in my last entry, desire seems to be intensified when it seems dangerous or unconventional. Michael Kimmel explores this further, stating that fantasy is what stimulates desire, and erotic excitement is greater when, "fantasy outcome is uncertain - when it includes an element of risk, danger, mystery, or transgression." (2)

Nothing seems more uncertain than not knowing whether or not you will be caught having sex in a public bathroom. People appear to be driven by these experiences that make it seem "dangerous" to engage in acts in front of others, and in public spaces. Especially if what I assumed about sexual scripts on college campuses is not true, a public fantasy would seem even more risky, heightening desire.


(1)Michael Wiederman, "The Gendered Nature of Sexual Scripts." The Family Journal, Vol. 13, No. 4, 496-502. Sage Publications, 2005

(2)Kimmel, Michael, ed. The Sexual Self : The Construction of Sexual Scripts. New York: Vanderbilt UP, 2007. 63-65.

Sexual Relativism

One of the things that I thought would be extremely interesting would be to try and research some statistics on this topic, as one person has already suggested. However, I was not able to come away with much. Although I found plenty of reputable sources that gave quantitative facts about sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancy, and whatnot, I did not come across any such figures to help explain the phenomenon behind having sex in public, and more specifically in a college setting.
However, reading an ethnographic article by Debra Curtis (which is cited at the bottom of this entry) has helped to put this lack of information into context. Although it may be relatively easy to collect data based on medical records or birth certificates, when it comes to individuals giving out personal information, the collection of such information becomes more difficult. Curtis explains, "Not having access to this interior space may be an inevitable obstacle in sexuality research no matter how loosely structured and open-ended our interviews are crafted to be” (p 112).

The article's real focus is on sexual desire and capitalism, but because it looks at sex toy parties to do so, it also says a lot about how these sex toy parties shape sexual identities. The sex toy parties are not unlike Tupperware parties, or Mary Kay make-up parties; a bunch of women gather together to look at products and possibly buy some of them. However, much in the way that Tupperware parties were forums for discontented women to bond together in the '50's and '60's, today sex toy parties are places where women can exchange sexual ideas and shape their sexual identities.

Curtis sits in on a number of these parties, and she notes that sometimes mothers and daughters attend them together, which shows that there is a certain degree of openness involved in these parties that we don't normally see in everyday life. In order to sell these products, the marketer needs to make her clients feel at ease, and feel comfortable with their surroundings as well as the products; "the marketer sanctions a liberal attitude about sex-an attitude that also suggests the possibility for new ways of experiencing pleasure" (p 102). The marketer must break down the rigidity that we normally associate with sexual conduct in order to sell products. But the idea of sexual openness does not diminish as soon as the seller walks out the door; these women are left with these ideas which then impact their everyday lives.

Those who feel it’s acceptable to engage in sexual acts in the presence of others could be influenced by phenomenon such as sex toy parties. Whether they are brought up feeling that they can be open about sex, or a third party makes them feel as such, a possible explanation to sex in front of others could simply be sexual openness and ease. For example, at a sex toy party, it is normal for guests to share their experiences, to recommend toys for each other, and to ask questions. To me, it sounds like this is a step toward feeling comfortable enough not only to talk about sex with others, but also to perform acts in front of others as well.

Curtis explores a quotation from Gayle Rubin about sexual relativism. She notes that not unlike previous misconceptions about "savages," we sometimes stereotype sexual differences as being disgusting or immoral. It is important to have an understanding surrounding these different sexual practices, and to acknowledge that they might be different, but not necessarily bad. Sex toy parties do very well at capitalizing on this aspect by making sexuality and desire seem normal and natural, thus justifying their toys as wholesome when thrown into that mix.

I think in addition to sexual openness and comfort, desire also plays a large role when discussing public sexual acts. Curtis realizes, "As 'wholesome' as Jennifer portrayed the cock ring and vibrator to be, for instance, consuming such products is still about realizing 'forbidden' and unmentionable desires" (p 102). I think desire will be an interesting direction to take for the next entry on this topic.


Curtis, Debra. "Commodities and Sexual Subjectivities: A Look at Capitalism and Its Desires." Cultural Anthropology 19 (2004): 95-121. Anthrosource.

“Go find someplace else!”

A perfect example about the distinctions I was trying to make in my last entry: A friend recently came to me with a story about how last week she found two people in her bathroom having sex in a stall. Not only were they having sex at 10:30am in the middle of the week, but they were also being very loud. When she entered the bathroom, she too tried to make as much noise as possible to alert the couple to her presence, but she actually had to walk over to the stall and bang on the door before they would stop. This is the kind of behavior I am addressing in this blog. Why would anyone want to be so public with an act that is traditionally so private?

I have one last story before I start exploring other research outside of personal narratives.

***
There is Boy1, Boy2, and Boy3, all living in a triple. Boy1 and Boy2 are good friends, while Boy3 is an outcast in his own room. Boy1 continuously has sex with his girlfriend inside the room in the middle of the night while he thinks that his roommates are sleeping. Little does he know, they are, in fact, NOT sleeping, and perfectly aware of his escapades. After Boy3 filed a complaint, a member of Residential Life sits down with Boy1 and tells him that he can no longer have sex while his roommates are present. He is told to either find someplace else, or ask his roommates for a little bit of personal time in the room. Boy1 assures everyone that it would not happen again.

Meanwhile, The Girlfriend is living in the triple with the three boys. Boy1 is told that she has to move out, and he agrees that she will, but of course she never does. They stop having sex late at night for a little while, but after a couple weeks it starts back up again, gradually getting louder and louder every time.
***

When I first came across this story, my first instinct was to write it off as just someone making an honest mistake while trying to hide a necessary part of their life. However, because these incidents never actually stop, it could indicate that Boy1 not only threw away the wishes of his roommates, but he seems to become more and more comfortable with these situations as time goes on.

Another thing that I find interesting is that, while talking with others, people seem to be more appalled at the behavior of The Girlfriend than of Boy1. As a society, I think that we (as stereotypical as it may sound) assume that men have sexual needs and that they will do almost anything in order to sustain…even if that means having sex in front of their roommates. On the other hand, women are supposed to be able to control their sexual urges; they are seen as being more sexually conservative and it is surprising to people (myself included) that any woman would want to have sex in front of two other (uninterested) men.
This is an issue I think I will carry onto other entries in this blog.

One last element that I think should be brought to the table is, if it’s not appropriate to have sex in front of roommates, in public bathrooms or showers, or other public spaces, where should college students have sex? Obviously the ideal place is in one’s own room without any roommates present. But it just seems a little contradictory that we tell students to “go find someplace else,” while at the same time listing all of the places they cannot go. It is not surprising that you often hear stories (or at least I have) of teenagers in particular having sex in ridiculous places such as on playgrounds or in baseball dugouts.

Although I have provided mostly generalizations and case studies so far, in the second half of this blog I will examine more articles and other research involved in these topics to help answer the questions posed throughout this blog.

“Shhh…I think I just heard someone in here…”

This morning, someone I know told me that when she went to use the bathroom last night at around 2am, she encountered two people having sex. They were in a stall, so it wasn’t completely visible, but it was still very easy to tell what was happening in there. The witness tried to make as much noise as possible to alert them to her presence, and they did seem to stop while she was there.
Although encountering bathroom sex might be a little awkward, and uncomfortable, would you rather encounter it in the bathroom or in the bed next to yours? Personally, I’d prefer the bathroom.

As different people have been sharing stories with me about the awkward experiences that they’ve encountered, I’ve come to notice that most of the people subjected to “watching” these sexual acts do not find them acceptable at all. Only the participants seem to think that their behavior is tolerable. But then why does this still happen? And why does it seem so widespread? It goes way beyond this small liberal arts college, beyond New England, and even beyond the US. How many of these acts come out of necessity or desperation and how many come out of just a pure disregard for the presence of others?

I like to think that there are groups that represent both of these ideas. But in my experience I have noticed that the difference is that usually those who partake in these activities in order to fulfill a need tend to at least make an attempt to keep what they are doing quiet. However, there are still those who make no attempt whatsoever. I really want to know why. Its one thing to have sexual relations in front of people, but it’s another thing entirely to not even try to hide it.

"Do you guys mind of I use this right now?"

RAs are expected to follow a certain code of confidentiality. It is unethical for us to talk about what happens to residents on our floors, because then no one would feel comfortable telling us anything anymore. But at the same time, we’re only students ourselves, and sometimes keeping all of these secrets can be stressful. This is why it is considered perfectly acceptable for us to share stories with other RAs; the idea is that we can all have people to talk to, while no one is breaching trust outside of the circle of RAs. As you can imagine, a lot of talk goes on at the watering hole.

When I first decided to write this blog about sexual behavior, I was disappointed that I would not be able to share any of these stories because everyone would know who I was talking about. However, because so much information is shared between RAs, any of the stories that I disclose in this blog can pertain to any dorm building anywhere, not just at this school. Obviously the names will be changed, but this way I can disclose personal experiences that I myself have come across, as well as circumstances other RAs have experienced as well. I’ve been speaking mostly in generalizations so far, and I think it’s about time that I share the things that have really happened, maybe they were here, or maybe someplace else.
(*Disclaimer: If, for whatever reason, you recognize these stories, please continue to keep the identities of these persons secret, at the very least while you are commenting within this blog.*)

***
Samantha is a freshman who lives in a triple; one of her roommates she likes, while the other, Heather, gets on her nerves quite frequently. One day, Samantha and her friend Abby are studying in the room together. All of a sudden, Heather storms in from the bathroom, brandishing her vibrator around, and asks, “Do you guys mind if I use this right now?”
Heather ignores the open books lying in front of the girls and presses the question. Samantha is so shocked she is unable to respond, while Abby declares, “yes! I do mind!” Heather looks at Abby with disgust and states, “you don’t even live here!” Then she turns to a speechless Samantha and continues, “Don’t even worry, I’ll be real quiet.” While she says this, Heather turns off the lights, turns on some music, locks the door, and climbs into her bed. Now both girls are speechless.
After almost twenty minutes, Samantha finally works up some courage and shouts, “You’re done!” while turning off the music and switching on the lights. Afterward, Heather complains that she should have gotten some more time.
***

Stories like this one are not uncommon. I don't think that these acts are gaining popularity, but people are beginning to think that they're acceptable just because of how often they are happening.

Who do you think is at fault for this incident occurring? What would you do if you were in the same position as Abby or Samantha?

“There’s a time and place for everything…”

Working for Residential Life this semester at a small liberal arts college in New England, you can imagine that I’ve come across some weird stuff. Let’s face it, there are always going to be strange people in life, but sometimes it seems as if college campuses are breeding grounds for the bizarre. As one of my high school teachers once told me, “There’s a time and place for everything, and that place is college.” And I totally agree. I believe there are things that are socially acceptable in the college setting that people would never dream of doing otherwise. There won’t be many other times in life when you can drink lots of beer, hard liquor, play drinking games, throw up, drink more beer, throw up again, play more games, pass out, and wake up the next morning and deem it as “kick-ass.” It just doesn’t happen (and if it does, never to the same extreme).

Sex is the same way. For most people, college is the first time they have had to share a room since they were young. It makes sense that sometimes people have certain sexual needs that they need to fulfill from time to time. I think sometimes this is what creates a situation when someone is subjected to witnessing their roommate perform sexual acts. But why not ask for some privacy? Many students just don’t. Sometimes, within a room, it can be perfectly acceptable to have one roommate studying with a friend, while the other performs sexual acts. Nowhere else in life, I would think, would this ever be acceptable.

Here’s an interesting question for people to respond to: why do you think these behaviors (any of them, it doesn’t necessarily have to relate to sex) are acceptable at college but not anywhere else?

A Brief Introduction

Every college student has heard of it happening, if it hasn't happened to them personally. Roommates get "sexiled" (the act of exiling someone from a room in order to have sexual relations in it) all the time. Maybe you come back to a rubber band on the doorknob, or read a text message on your way back from class ("cn i hve lik 20 min?"), or you are blatantly asked to leave when a guest arrives. Sure it can be an inconvenience, but would you rather give your roommate some space for a little while, or be there as it happens?

Some don't have a choice. Judging by what I have observed, more and more, kids are disregarding the presence of others and performing sexual acts regardless of who else might be in the room. This could be as benign as thinking a roommate is asleep when they in fact, are not, all the way to deliberately having sexual relations while a roommate is present and conscious. Some of us have been that roommate, and what a lot of us cannot seem to fathom is why do these people not only ignore their roommates' comfort levels, but why do they even feel comfortable engaging in these acts in front of others in the first place?

In this blog I am going to explore the reasons why people feel these behaviors are socially acceptable, and how others around them may feel. Other closely related topics such as voyeurism and exhibitionism I think will help to guide my insights on this subject. I especially want to know why some college students living in dorms feel that is is acceptable to engage in sexual acts among the presence of others.